As our group was having a casual conversation about a Halloween
party the previous night, I noticed a stunningly beautiful young woman who was
siting next to our table. She was not the typical LA beauty. She looked as she
could be from Eastern Europe or possibly the Middle East - black hair, medium
dark skin.
It was not until she stood up that the men at my table noticed
her. She was very tall and slender - probably a model. "There were so many hot
women at this party, I am telling you..." the male next to me shared with
the others, "and SHE would have been invisible - totally invisible"
referring to this gorgeous girl. Invisible? I thought, "Really? Are you
kidding me?" I almost immediately left the conversation and the table
claiming I was leaving because I had work to do.
"Nobody is invisible," I stated with conviction,
feeling indignant as I shared this incident with my roommate. As a female, I
found that comment offensive and disrespectful. What are we to men? Objects?
Items that are to be evaluated based on their appearance? If we do not meet
some basic standards of "beauty" we become invisible?
For centuries, women's looks have been judged not only by men,
but by fellow females. This is a
well-known fact that had never really bothered me. It is normal to gravitate
towards beauty. Both males and females do it all the time. When we shop for
cars, homes, clothes, jewelry, music, we choose what we find beautiful and most
attractive. Why wouldn't we do the same when we pick someone to date or to
become our life partner?
But there is something else in that comment that triggers me. And
it is not men's objectification of women. It is the crazy notion that the validity of
someone's existence could be determined by the perceptions and opinions of
others.
We are much more than our physical bodies. In fact, we are not
even our physical bodies. Our bodies are just the vessels our souls use to move
about in this human world. So how can anyone be judged by the vessel that
carries them? It is because we often fail to see beyond physicality.
I remember attending one of the "A Course in Miracles"
lectures offered by Marianne Williamson, writer and spiritual teacher. A lady
in the audience, a preschool educator, asked how to deal with her young
students when they misbehaved and failed to listen. Marianne looked at the
lady, paused for a few seconds and then politely asked, "what is your
religious background?" "Christian," she replied. And Marianne said something like this:
"Ten minutes before class starts, look around the classroom
as the kids get ready for class. Look at each child. I want you to imagine
Jesus embracing the child you are looking at. Really imagine Jesus is right
there. Take your time. Do this with every single child. When you are done, you
will notice the difference. Each and every child will know that you truly saw
them."
I love what Marianne told this lady. We are much more than our
physical bodies. We are our souls. When we are truly seen by others, we feel an
immediate connection with them and don't have to hide behind the illusion of
being our ego or our body. It is as if our bodies become transparent... or,
invisible.
