Being Invisible

A couple of days ago I was having brunch with a group of males. We were at a small cafe next to a popular gym in west Hollywood.  Many attractive gym members gather at this spot to eat, chat with friends or simply have a good cup of coffee.

As our group was having a casual conversation about a Halloween party the previous night, I noticed a stunningly beautiful young woman who was siting next to our table. She was not the typical LA beauty. She looked as she could be from Eastern Europe or possibly the Middle East - black hair, medium dark skin.

It was not until she stood up that the men at my table noticed her. She was very tall and slender - probably a model.   "There were so many hot women at this party, I am telling you..." the male next to me shared with the others, "and SHE would have been invisible - totally invisible" referring to this gorgeous girl. Invisible? I thought, "Really? Are you kidding me?" I almost immediately left the conversation and the table claiming I was leaving because I had work to do.

"Nobody is invisible," I stated with conviction, feeling indignant as I shared this incident with my roommate. As a female, I found that comment offensive and disrespectful. What are we to men? Objects? Items that are to be evaluated based on their appearance? If we do not meet some basic standards of "beauty" we become invisible?

For centuries, women's looks have been judged not only by men, but by fellow females.  This is a well-known fact that had never really bothered me. It is normal to gravitate towards beauty. Both males and females do it all the time. When we shop for cars, homes, clothes, jewelry, music, we choose what we find beautiful and most attractive. Why wouldn't we do the same when we pick someone to date or to become our life partner?

But there is something else in that comment that triggers me. And it is not men's objectification of women. It is the crazy notion that the validity of someone's existence could be determined by the perceptions and opinions of others.

We are much more than our physical bodies. In fact, we are not even our physical bodies. Our bodies are just the vessels our souls use to move about in this human world. So how can anyone be judged by the vessel that carries them? It is because we often fail to see beyond physicality.

I remember attending one of the "A Course in Miracles" lectures offered by Marianne Williamson, writer and spiritual teacher. A lady in the audience, a preschool educator, asked how to deal with her young students when they misbehaved and failed to listen. Marianne looked at the lady, paused for a few seconds and then politely asked, "what is your religious background?" "Christian," she replied.  And Marianne said something like this:

"Ten minutes before class starts, look around the classroom as the kids get ready for class. Look at each child. I want you to imagine Jesus embracing the child you are looking at. Really imagine Jesus is right there. Take your time. Do this with every single child. When you are done, you will notice the difference. Each and every child will know that you truly saw them."

I love what Marianne told this lady. We are much more than our physical bodies. We are our souls. When we are truly seen by others, we feel an immediate connection with them and don't have to hide behind the illusion of being our ego or our body. It is as if our bodies become transparent... or, invisible.

So maybe I should not be as upset about my friend's "being invisible" comment. Wouldn't it be wonderful if our bodies disappeared and our souls were fully exposed? We would be able to see one another for what we really are - our essence. We would have no age, color or gender... We would all be equal... We would understand that, in reality, we are ONE!

Where is GOD?

A week ago, a friend of mine - let's call him Bill - wrote a comment on one of my facebook posts. This specific facebook post was supporting Marianne Williamson as a California Congressional Candidate.

We have been writing comments on my facebook wall back and forth. The facebook comment exchange has been going like this -

Bill - wow do not promote this woman...she is all about new age crap. a deceiver that tells you are your own god...I know Jesus does not need me to be Him I need Jesus in me.

Me - I know Marianne personally and have had the chance to work with her and spend time with her. These are her words - "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." One of the most beautiful and inspiring quotes - even Nelson Mandela used it in one of his speeches.

Bill - That is very nice and sounds great...but who is god to her what is his name? If it is Jesus then she should say so. If it anything else it is false teaching and it leads to a false god. She does not even realize this. I feel sorry for these people because I know they mean well. Please ask her who is God to her and this will answer our questions.

Me - I really do not want to get into this. And this has nothing to do with Marianne but with your Christian beliefs, which I respect. If you believe that God is Jesus, then that is what God is to you. You are free to believe whatever feels right for you. I can tell you what I believe God is - God is Jesus, every child and adult on earth, every animal, plant, the planets, the galaxies... everything and everyone is part of GOD. We are a little piece of God put in each of our physical bodies. We came to this world to learn through human relationships and through the love for one another. Ultimately, the only thing that is real is love... and that is exactly what God is - LOVE.

Bill - I am concerned that if we are not clear on who God is we will miss our calling and where we spend eternity. There is only one way to the real living God and that is through Jesus. Either Jesus is a crazy lunatic or He is who say's He Is (God). If we get lead to believe god is in everything and there are many ways to Him you can never have a personal relationship with him. If there was any other way to God then why did Jesus die for us? What a waste... Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6. It is very easy to get deceived in this fallen world and I am just making it clear that just because god is different to many others does not mean there are many other way to Him. Please call out to Him with a concerning heart and ask Him if what I am saying is true and wait for your answer. This is good news.

Me - God created ALL of us. We have him inside of us even if we are not aware of it. You are worried about people going to hell because they are not Born Again Christians? Just be concerned about the way you live your own life and how you treat others. "Loving One Another" is, in my opinion, more important than trying to impose dogmatic views or opinions on somebody else. My humble piece of advice to you... just continue being the loving person you are and have always been. Continue living your life with respect, kindness, generosity, gratitude, compassion and forgiveness towards others and yourself. We are mirrors of one another.

Bill - Thank you Adriana..."Loving one another" is what Jesus is all about. Where do you think all of this comes from? Do you think I am getting anything from telling you this.. So you would keep this to yourself? How loving and caring is that? It sounds selfish to keep truth to yourself and I know you are not selfish.

Me - Truth???? The only truth I believe there is, is LOVE... and as we already agreed, God is LOVE. Let's share our love with everyone!!! I send you a big hug and lots of love!!!

What do you personally believe?

Where is God?

What is God?

A Transformational Experience

Back in 2009, I moved to Los Angeles to join an enthusiastic group of visionaries with the inspiring mission to transform the world through the transformation of entertainment and media. For the past four years, I have dedicated a big percentage of my time to this organization without any financial compensation. I believed that what this group aspired to achieve was completely aligned to my own personal goals and mission.  What a great way to reach a higher level of awareness... and a way to inspire others as well!

We had a very successful first event in Los Angeles. I will always remember that event as something that completely transformed my life. People in the entertainment industry attended to learn about this new organization. Unlike other Hollywood events, this one stood out as one that was bringing people together for a common vision - awareness.  The energy in the theater was palpable. I felt so much humanity, compassion and connectedness in that auditorium during our first event.

We then had several smaller events for the following two years. I can say that I was in charge of producing them. I met so many wonderful people who have become close friends and business associates. I was convinced that this transformational entertainment organization was part of my life purpose. I was committed to it and did everything I could to support it, promote it and share its vision. I even chose it as my second year project while I was attending the University of Santa Monica.

Two years ago, when my scandal erupted.  See The Trevino-Alfieri Story. The CEO of this organization told me that I would be on "probation" and should not tell people I was associated with the organization. He added that if he or the executive team were asked about me, they would deny even knowing me. I was shocked to hear that. I should have left the company then. But I did not. I worked even harder to prove I was "worthy" of belonging to it.

Is this the way an organization based on spiritual awareness and transformation should operate? Is this the way ANY organization should conduct business?

There is much to share about what truly happened with this organization. I will be writing about specific topics in future posts. For now, what I would like to say is that I recently learned that I no longer work with this company.  And this is how I learned the news.

I received an email from the CEO of this organization. It was a reply to a person who wrote to him who had also cc'ed me. His message read...

Hello XXX, 

Hope you're well. 

I will add your new email address to my address book.

Lots of new and exciting developments at XXX -- will be in the next issue of XXX. 

Thanks.

XXX

PS Adriana no longer works with XXX. You don't have to copy her.

I don't know if he meant to cc me by "replying to all" but I certainly got the message. A very innovative and non-confrontational way of firing someone!!!     

More to come on this subject... Follow my blog!                                                                                                         

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Connecting Dots

I remember watching the video of the commencement speech that Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University. His message really got to me. He talked about things that happen to us, things that might seem unfortunate. These events are dots, connecting dots, that we don't recognize until we are able to look back.

I also see people as connectors. Just think about how many of your close friends or people who are very dear to you were brought to your life by someone else... maybe by someone with whom you no longer communicate.

The first person I can think of is my ex-husband Dave. He was not particularly a good husband. He was physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me and anyone around him. I got an order for protection against him and moved to California to get away from him.  If anyone had told me, "if you marry Dave, you will be divorced in less than 2 years and it will cost you over a quarter million dollars", I would have laughed at that ridiculous statement. Well, that is exactly what happened. Marrying and divorcing this man cost me over $350,000. I lost that money in just two years!!!!

Erica

What did I gain from that relationship???? Most people would say that the relationship was a huge mistake and that I would have been better off not even meeting him. That could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that I met Dave's daughters, Jenna and Erica, back in 2006 and fell in love with them. They became my daughters and friends instantly.

If someone asked me, "if you could change your past and erase Dave from it, would you do so?" My answer would be NO. If the only way to get Jenna and Erica in my life were to go through the painful marriage I experienced, I would do it all over again.  Jenna and Erica are a treasure to me!

I spent this weekend taking Erica's senior pictures. She has certainly grown up! She is not the little ten-year old I met. I remember playing ball in the backyard with her like it was just yesterday - it was seven years ago! It is even easier to spend time with her now that she is older. We can talk about... anything!

What an honor to have these girls in my life. I look forward to seeing them graduate from college, get jobs, become independent, get married and have children.

So, every time you feel like you have invested too much time in a relationship that eventually went nowhere, stop for a minute and reflect on how this relationship connected you to a job opportunity, other people or how it simply brought you more awareness. I can assure you that you always end up gaining more that what you put in... you just have to look back and connect the dots.

What Is the TRUTH?

I was having a conversation with my best friend about the truth, telling the truth, and what it meant. I blurted out, "I never lie." She immediately laughed, not in a mocking way, but she actually thought I was joking. She said, "everybody lies." And I quickly replied, "I don't. I would never tell a lie about a fact. I would always speak with the truth."

This exchange turned into a light-hearted discussion. We talked about situations when people normally lie, even by telling small "variations" of the truth. But then I reinforced my position, "I never lie, "got defensive and ended the conversation by abruptly getting up and leaving the room.

During this conversation I said something that would forever change the way I see the "truth." I said that I would never lie about a fact. I added that a fact is something that can be proven with supporting evidence.


Just like in a courtroom - If someone says that they were at a certain place at a given time, whatever the answer is can be proven true or false. When I stated that I never lied, I actually meant it. I do NOT lie about facts that can be proven with supporting "evidence."

If there is no evidence to contradict what I am saying, I am not telling a lie.... Is this accurate?

What about facts that are based on opinion, preference and beliefs? Can those facts then change every time our opinions, preferences or beliefs shift or vary? Would those facts that were once true become lies for that simple "shift" or variation?  The answer would be, of course not. If I was once a vegetarian and decided to eat meat again would not change the fact that I was indeed a vegetarian. That fact would simply be "transformed."

The same rule applies to opinions and beliefs. Nobody would accuse us of lying if our opinions or beliefs changed from time to time.

And what about simple thoughts? How can anyone have hard proof of what is in somebody else's mind?..... or even their own mind? Nobody would accuse us of lying if we gave our opinion even if it seemed to be untrue. We could be saying, "I love that dress you are wearing," when in fact, we think it is the most hideous piece of clothing we have ever seen in our lives. Are we telling a lie? Are we just simply being polite?

And now let's go a little deeper. We would not accuse ourselves of lying when we give an opinion or statement that is not completely accurate. For example, we might say "yes" to someone's request for help when we really want to say "no." Is this a lie?... or are we just being very kind and generous individuals?

I finally realized that although I pride myself of never lying, I have been lying to myself my whole life:

• Every time I say "yes" when I really mean "no."
• Every time I say "no" when I really want to say "yes."
• Every time I hide my feelings and pretend they are not there.
• Every time I talk myself into a situation that goes against my principles or core values.

Aren't these lies bigger than those facts that can be proven false based on supporting "evidence"?

Having this new awareness has been a great insight for me. I am willing to take an honest look into my own soul. I am committed to living my life being "true" to myself.  Are you willing to the the same?

Lessons We Choose

I strongly believe that there are no such things as accidents or coincidences. There is always a reason for everything. Even random events are not really that random. The universe has a way to make things work out one way or the other.

If we have the awareness that everything happens for a reason, then even tragedies and misfortune would have a purpose. Is it because we choose them? Or is it karma?

What I know is that we have all the tools and resources necessary to deal with any given situation. We are also given very clear signs of what to do.

I remember talking with Don Miguel Ruiz about my conflict with Victor Alfieri. Miguel asked me, "when did you know?" I replied, "when did I know what?" Looking at me with compassionate eyes, he said again, "when did you know?"

Now I understand that we always know when something goes against our integrity and our true self. We then fail to acknowledge it and simply ignore it. My relationship with Victor was not all bad, of course. I was very happy with him. There were a couple of situations, however, when I knew something was off and I chose to go against my own integrity. I chose to ignore that feeling in my gut, that warning.

I have been dealing with a more recent situation that illustrates this same issue. I have a terrible relationship with my current roommate. Fortunately she is in the process of moving out and we can both go our separate ways. I will not go into details on who said what or did what; who is right and who is wrong.

I did not choose her to be my roommate. What happened is that my previous roommate needed to move out immediately and find someone to take over his part of the lease. I wanted to help him out. He is a wonderful person. So I agreed to take her in when my gut... actually my whole body was telling me that I should not do so.  I sensed the most negative energy emanating from her, not to mention her very different lifestyle and hygiene habits.

I thought that I could still get along with her. I swallowed my words and buried my feelings. I tried to live in peace. She would start fights just because I asked her to clean her mess. If I cleaned her mess, she would yell at me for doing so. After living with me almost 9 months, she has NEVER cleaned the kitchen or common areas. She has left rotten food in the fridge for months until I take it out. I have had to do all the cleaning myself.

And this issue with cleanliness is the smallest of all issues. There have been issues with utility bills not paid by her in months, guests, noise (she forbids people to talk in the living room), use of my personal things, etc, etc.

The situation is so horrible now that we cannot be in each other's presence without feeling like we are in a battle. I am aware that I am not particularly nice to her. I have bottled my frustrations for so long that now they cannot be contained anymore. I see myself acting like this and it truly saddens me. I don't like to be this way to anyone.

So what can be done about this??? Fortunately she will be moving out very soon. This terrible nightmare will end with her departure. But I cannot help but wonder, "could I have avoided this?" This experience has taught me a very valuable lesson:  To listen to my heart and my body as they react to a person, situation or place. Those are very strong indicators and guides on how to deal with them.  If I feel anger, frustration, tension, uneasiness, it is probably because I should stay away from that person, place or situation. I am talking about experiencing these emotions/feelings without any apparent trigger or cause - when I feel them for no reason, no reason at all.

We could apply this principle to when the opposite is experienced - joy, excitement, freedom.... then we know that this positive energy we experience from being around that person(s), situation or place is a clear sign that spending time and being around them would have a beneficial impact in our life.

So should we only choose the pleasant, cheerful, positive, joyful???  For the most part, I believe we should. There are other situations that are out of our control and that are not as pleasant. Having those challenging experiences are a great way toward our personal and spiritual growth. The wisdom comes in differentiating what I choose freely to keep in my life and what I have indirectly chosen as a lesson to  learn.

What is clear to me is that I always have a choice when facing any situation. There is always a door - a way out. We are never helpless victims. We decide how long we stay and when it's time to leave.

Events that Shape Our Lives

How many times have you experienced an event in your life that has forever changed your life - an event that was not expected and that takes you by surprise?... a sudden death in the family, an unplanned pregnancy, loss of a job or an accident?

And what about those decisions that you avoid making because of guilt or fear of the unknown? Tough decisions such as quitting a dreadful job, filing for divorce or having an abortion?

We generally think that negative events are out of our control and that difficult decisions can be avoided or delayed indefinitely. On the other hand, we tend to believe that positive and pleasant events are a result of our hard work and discipline... or simply good fortune.

My personal opinion is that the obstacles and challenges we encounter in our lives are what strengthen our mental and spiritual abilities while increasing our level of understanding, forgiveness and compassion. These seemingly negative experiences are actually gifts we are offered in life. But they only become gifts if we are willing to see beyond the pain and sorrow.

This Blog

I decided to start this blog to document my journey in the creation and the writing of my book and script. To be totally honest, I never thought I would be "blogging." It all started with my first blog "The Trevino-Alfieri Story." I wanted to speak up and tell my story. It was amazing how easy it was for me to write the numerous posts in that blog.

My intention in writing this current blog is to help me structure and keep me inspired to finish my book. The title of my book will be the same as this blog, "Who Is Writing Your Story?"

My book will focus on one specific series of related events that has had the greatest impact in my life. Through this book, I will be sharing the transformational process I went through and the increased spiritual awareness I have experienced.

Is it true that what happens to us determines our destiny? 

Or is it the perception or interpretation of those events shaping our lives?