Connecting Dots

I remember watching the video of the commencement speech that Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University. His message really got to me. He talked about things that happen to us, things that might seem unfortunate. These events are dots, connecting dots, that we don't recognize until we are able to look back.

I also see people as connectors. Just think about how many of your close friends or people who are very dear to you were brought to your life by someone else... maybe by someone with whom you no longer communicate.

The first person I can think of is my ex-husband Dave. He was not particularly a good husband. He was physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me and anyone around him. I got an order for protection against him and moved to California to get away from him.  If anyone had told me, "if you marry Dave, you will be divorced in less than 2 years and it will cost you over a quarter million dollars", I would have laughed at that ridiculous statement. Well, that is exactly what happened. Marrying and divorcing this man cost me over $350,000. I lost that money in just two years!!!!

Erica

What did I gain from that relationship???? Most people would say that the relationship was a huge mistake and that I would have been better off not even meeting him. That could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that I met Dave's daughters, Jenna and Erica, back in 2006 and fell in love with them. They became my daughters and friends instantly.

If someone asked me, "if you could change your past and erase Dave from it, would you do so?" My answer would be NO. If the only way to get Jenna and Erica in my life were to go through the painful marriage I experienced, I would do it all over again.  Jenna and Erica are a treasure to me!

I spent this weekend taking Erica's senior pictures. She has certainly grown up! She is not the little ten-year old I met. I remember playing ball in the backyard with her like it was just yesterday - it was seven years ago! It is even easier to spend time with her now that she is older. We can talk about... anything!

What an honor to have these girls in my life. I look forward to seeing them graduate from college, get jobs, become independent, get married and have children.

So, every time you feel like you have invested too much time in a relationship that eventually went nowhere, stop for a minute and reflect on how this relationship connected you to a job opportunity, other people or how it simply brought you more awareness. I can assure you that you always end up gaining more that what you put in... you just have to look back and connect the dots.