Being Invisible

A couple of days ago I was having brunch with a group of males. We were at a small cafe next to a popular gym in west Hollywood.  Many attractive gym members gather at this spot to eat, chat with friends or simply have a good cup of coffee.

As our group was having a casual conversation about a Halloween party the previous night, I noticed a stunningly beautiful young woman who was siting next to our table. She was not the typical LA beauty. She looked as she could be from Eastern Europe or possibly the Middle East - black hair, medium dark skin.

It was not until she stood up that the men at my table noticed her. She was very tall and slender - probably a model.   "There were so many hot women at this party, I am telling you..." the male next to me shared with the others, "and SHE would have been invisible - totally invisible" referring to this gorgeous girl. Invisible? I thought, "Really? Are you kidding me?" I almost immediately left the conversation and the table claiming I was leaving because I had work to do.

"Nobody is invisible," I stated with conviction, feeling indignant as I shared this incident with my roommate. As a female, I found that comment offensive and disrespectful. What are we to men? Objects? Items that are to be evaluated based on their appearance? If we do not meet some basic standards of "beauty" we become invisible?

For centuries, women's looks have been judged not only by men, but by fellow females.  This is a well-known fact that had never really bothered me. It is normal to gravitate towards beauty. Both males and females do it all the time. When we shop for cars, homes, clothes, jewelry, music, we choose what we find beautiful and most attractive. Why wouldn't we do the same when we pick someone to date or to become our life partner?

But there is something else in that comment that triggers me. And it is not men's objectification of women. It is the crazy notion that the validity of someone's existence could be determined by the perceptions and opinions of others.

We are much more than our physical bodies. In fact, we are not even our physical bodies. Our bodies are just the vessels our souls use to move about in this human world. So how can anyone be judged by the vessel that carries them? It is because we often fail to see beyond physicality.

I remember attending one of the "A Course in Miracles" lectures offered by Marianne Williamson, writer and spiritual teacher. A lady in the audience, a preschool educator, asked how to deal with her young students when they misbehaved and failed to listen. Marianne looked at the lady, paused for a few seconds and then politely asked, "what is your religious background?" "Christian," she replied.  And Marianne said something like this:

"Ten minutes before class starts, look around the classroom as the kids get ready for class. Look at each child. I want you to imagine Jesus embracing the child you are looking at. Really imagine Jesus is right there. Take your time. Do this with every single child. When you are done, you will notice the difference. Each and every child will know that you truly saw them."

I love what Marianne told this lady. We are much more than our physical bodies. We are our souls. When we are truly seen by others, we feel an immediate connection with them and don't have to hide behind the illusion of being our ego or our body. It is as if our bodies become transparent... or, invisible.

So maybe I should not be as upset about my friend's "being invisible" comment. Wouldn't it be wonderful if our bodies disappeared and our souls were fully exposed? We would be able to see one another for what we really are - our essence. We would have no age, color or gender... We would all be equal... We would understand that, in reality, we are ONE!